I Promised Wife I Would Move, But I Didn't Promise I Would Do All The Work Pt 2/2

6/26/2021

We're not moving yet, and the reason is that I would have to really put in a ton of effort to make it happen before she leaves for her orientation. To make this happen I would have to take initiative and lead some of the efforts. I was honest and told her that I could not do that.

I told her I will participate in the move. I will look at houses, give my opinion, help pack, move, etc. as she asks me too. I am not willing to take ownership or lead any of the efforts (basically I'm not going to scour the real estate listings, I'm not going to make calls, I'm not going to jump through hoops for anything.)

I suspect this may have upset Wife (I don't know for sure, we don't really talk) but my feelings are that I'm willing to move like I said I would, but that doesn't mean I agreed to do all the work. What happened was we discovered buying a house is difficult these days, it is a seller's market. Houses come available for only a day or two, and you have to be ready and prepared to visit the house and make an offer on the same day.

For some of my part I said I would secure the financing, but that's been a challenge. I called and got an application started and the gal told me they are so busy everyone is behind, it will take a few days to get back to me (low interest rates, everyone wants a loan). After 3 days I realize I'm going to have to call and follow up, possibly work with other lenders, I'm going to have to figure out where to get cash to float until our current house sells, basically lots of work.

I told Wife I can't do it. With the marriage in the state it is in I don't feel like we're partners and I'm emotionally not in a place I can lead this. She understood and asked me if I would be ready in a couple weeks, and I said "I have no idea where things will be in a couple weeks, I would love to be able to partner and do this because that means we're rebuilding the marriage." And that is where the conversation stopped.

Since she is out of town for 6 weeks in August, it just isn't realistic. We then agreed that it probably won't happen until next Spring, she is still going to monitor the listings and I'll work with the bank when they call. Who knows what the future will hold but the move will wait for a few months.

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